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 gina kelley
as the weather gets colder and mother nature begins to go to sleep, november invites us to slow down and turn our attention inward. with thanksgiving close by, it is also natural to focus on giving thanks and expressing gratitude this month. it is easy to be grateful for the good or pleasurable things in life: a successful job or promotion; your best friends; or tasty food on the thanksgiving table. and indeed, we should be grateful for these things and reflect upon our gratitude. however, is it also possible to be grateful for those things that challenge our body, mind, and spirit, such as a bad knee, or tight hamstrings, or a challenging relationship with a family member or co-worker? how do these difficult situations help us to grow, change, and evolve into individuals with more room in our heart, gentleness in our approach, and compassion in our worldview?
the last time i sat down to write a teacher reflection, i had just discovered the hidden, yet powerful, muscle in the lower back called the quadratis lumborum, whose tightness was causing me a lot of lower back pain. before identifying this muscle and learning some ways to lengthen it, i had felt very helpless and powerless in the face of my back pain. for a long time since the "QL discovery," i've felt very grateful that i had the pain, questioned its source, and looked for answers until the right ones (the right knowledge, people, and suggestions) came into my life. i've been able to share my discoveries with many people i have met on the yoga mat experiencing similar difficulty.
for this teacher reflection, i thought i would surely have a new topic to muse on, but alas, i recently experienced a series of spasms in my lower back that were the worst pains i have ever experienced in my life. none of my "tricks" worked in application to these spasms, and for 24 hours i literally thought i was going to die and that the only solution would be in having an ambulance cart me out of my house and off to the hospital for who knows what. all of my gratitude went out the window, and as i suffered violently i cursed all the work i had done up until then as useless and futile.
from this acute period, i've since been able to get help with my situation. in the last few days, i've learned more about my anatomy, and what underlying causes, structural and movement-based, led to my suffering. my sacroiliac joint (SI joint — the place where the sacrum connects to the ilium, or pelvis) went out, taking nearby muscles into spasm with it. immediate relief has come from icing the SI joint, placing heat on the muscles nearby, taking pain medication, and, when i could move, getting to an acupuncturist for pain relief.
my doctor has several great ideas on how to rebalance the whole sacroiliac area and improve back health overall in the future. he also showed me fascinating x-rays of my spine (which i get to keep!), which show visually all these things i've experienced and studied over the years.
now that i'm able to walk again, i feel so grateful to have made it through this painful experience. it's enabled me to understand my body better, seek appropriate treatment, and to set boundaries, prioritizing self-care. from this experience i have learned:
- acknowledge what is going on — make no pretenses. in the past, i think i would have put on a "brave face" and shoved some of the pain under the carpet so to speak. acknowledging the fact that something was really wrong and i really didn't have any answers was a key first step.
- reach out to anyone you know who might be of help. get many opinions. i immediately called one of the best massage therapists i know, barbara, and she was so kind and gave me so much advice on what could be physiologically happening, even when i was crying and screaming that i wanted to go to the hospital. she calmly talked me out of that option and explained the differences between massage therapy, chiropractic care, osteopathic medicine, physical therapy, and orthopedic medicine. although my issue is quite common, the myriad of practitioners available to examine the problem seem endless and confusing to me, the layperson.
- trust your intuition. i went to a physical therapist on day 2 of the pain and was given various heat treatments. it felt nice because i was in so much pain but it didn't feel right. the heat seemed to be applied to the wrong areas on my back and i was asked to return 11 more times for this therapy. i talked to a couple other specialists and received a different diagnosis and treatment plan. the results and prognosis felt intuitively right.
- seek different treatment options. be open to putting the puzzle pieces together. i've been exploring my back health for years. it has gotten better but it has also been a winding road of discovery. i've learned tips from everyone: yoga teachers, students, massage therapists, the new chiropractor, seeing my x-rays, reading about anatomy, and talking to friends. all the puzzle pieces are fitting together, and i'm sure there is much more to learn.
- be committed to yourself and to your health path. i really believe our bodies hold a lot of wisdom and that we can find the right path that works for us. i'm actually laying off the yoga for a few weeks so that i can isolate what is going on and figure out movement patterns that are healthy for me. with that information in hand, i'll reapproach my practice with a fresh perspective. too often we narrow ourselves to one single plan of action when it may be more useful to integrate many perspectives and approaches.
as i continue to reflect upon my experiences, i invite you to ponder these questions: is there a painful situation you've experienced, emotionally, physically, or both, that seemed unbearable at the time that it happened? how did you navigate through the situation? how did your natural "self-advocate" rise to the occasion? finally, how can you be grateful for the lessons pain has delivered, and how can pain be transformative to the spirit?
my acupuncturist pointed out today that our bodies are never perfect. you can get the perfect massage or chiropractic adjustment but then the reality of life sets in and there will be pain, imbalance, and change. the point is to continue moving through the challenges, and to do the best that you can. i translate this to mean doing the best you can on the yoga mat, the best you can in your interactions with others, and the best you can with your own self-care and growth. i feel curious about life, and grateful for the opportunities to explore and live it. namaste.
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